Life as I know it may be over. My iPhone appears to be dead. It locked up on me after lunch, and I can't get it to turn back on.
You may wonder, and I'll go ahead and answer for you. Yes, I am just that pathetic. And dramatic.
Can I get someone to queue up the choir? “Amaaaazzzzing grace…how sweet the sound…”
Showing posts with label Word Vomit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Word Vomit. Show all posts
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
That's A Head Scratcher
Last night I stopped after work to pick up a few balloons to take to my sister-in-law's hospital room to show my excitement for the baby. When we got to the hospital, I stopped at the information desk to find out how to get to the patient rooms. She gave me the information and politely told me that balloons weren't allowed in the hospital due to latex allergies, but that she'd hold them for me until we left. OK, fair enough.
The Husband and I proceeded through the hallways, making our way to our final destination. It was then that I noticed patients getting wheeled out with their floral arrangements in tow. Hmph. Well that's interesting. Flowers, which spread their stank all over the place are OK. What about all the patients with floral allergies? Does latex have a scent that goes airborne? I was under the impression that someone allergic to latex had to come in contact with the substance to have a reaction. Because I had every intention of walking into all the patient rooms on my way to my sister-in-law's and rubbing balloons all over them.
I sometimes just laugh at the great lengths our society has gone to in order to cover their asses. I'd love to see some numbers on how many patients in a given year have an allergy outbreak because of someone else's balloons, which never enter their room and stay behind closed doors in the room they were intended for, or hear a story from someone that knows of this actually being a real issue.
I thought I was doing the right thing by purchasing balloons over flowers. Who knew? Rules are rules though. Even if they are stupid.
The Husband and I proceeded through the hallways, making our way to our final destination. It was then that I noticed patients getting wheeled out with their floral arrangements in tow. Hmph. Well that's interesting. Flowers, which spread their stank all over the place are OK. What about all the patients with floral allergies? Does latex have a scent that goes airborne? I was under the impression that someone allergic to latex had to come in contact with the substance to have a reaction. Because I had every intention of walking into all the patient rooms on my way to my sister-in-law's and rubbing balloons all over them.
I sometimes just laugh at the great lengths our society has gone to in order to cover their asses. I'd love to see some numbers on how many patients in a given year have an allergy outbreak because of someone else's balloons, which never enter their room and stay behind closed doors in the room they were intended for, or hear a story from someone that knows of this actually being a real issue.
I thought I was doing the right thing by purchasing balloons over flowers. Who knew? Rules are rules though. Even if they are stupid.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Keep Watching
I'll have an update soon. My head has been in the clouds...or resting on my pillow. I'm just now snapping out of the winter funk. I hope to have some new posts in the near future.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Falling In Love...Or Maybe Just Falling
In lieu of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share one of my proud moments from dating that happened on this such holiday.
About eight years ago, I had started hanging out and seeing someone. This is probably the second time we had gone out, and we decided to meet up a little later on Valentine's Day at one of the bars in town. My roommate and I drove up there, had a few drinks, and then he showed up a while later. My roommate decided to call it a night, and after a few more drinks, socializing, and the bar kicking us out, we did too.
Since it was one of our first dates, I was dressed to impressed. Black pants, heels, the works. He had parked probably eight blocks away, hey it was free parking. So we trudged out into the cold night on the snowy sidewalks. You can't really expect college students to shovel the walks, you know. We were having some laughs, and even ran into some people we knew walking home too. After a long walk, his SUV was finally in site. I made it all the way to the car walking on snow covered sidewalks, and then...
He walked to the passenger door to unlock it and let me in. As I stepped into the grass area between the sidewalk and the road, the snow was kind of sloped, and I lost my footing. As he stood there with the door open waiting for me, my feet slid out from underneath me. It happened so fast. I bit it hard, and ended up sliding underneath his vehicle! He asked if I was OK, and after a slight pause I got out a weak "yeessss?". My head and shoulders were sticking out from underneath the car, so he was able to help me up to my feet. In addition to my pride being injured, I had jerked my left shin up as a reaction to falling, and ended up kicking the frame of the car on my way under. If you've ever hit your shin bone (tibia for the medical folk), you know it hurts. However, through the pain, I laughed the whole way home. I mean if you don't laugh, you'll cry right?
So in addition to falling on a second date, bruising my shin, and injuring my ego, I learned an important lesson: shoes that make you fall go into the garbage.
Ahh, married life; where you can fall, and not leave your dignity under the car. Thanks to the Husband for saving me from those awkward moments for the rest of my life.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself
Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for 'The Vagina Monologues', wrote the following about Sarah Palin.
Drill, Drill, Drill
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.
I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice> > count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.
But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.
Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.'
Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.
She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.
Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States . She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.
Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S. , but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.
Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?
Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008
Drill, Drill, Drill
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.
I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice> > count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.
But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.
Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.'
Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.
She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.
Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States . She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.
Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S. , but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.
Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?
Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
No More Convincing Me
Yes, it's confirmed. People, more than likely, MEN are all total creeps.
How do I know this? Aside from my own interactions with them on a daily basis (Hi, my eyes are up here, or catch a glimpse not stare), I just logged onto my stat counter for the first time in months and months. Check this out: I've had almost 5,000 hits on my page in 4-5 months, but I'm finding out not because people are interested in my writing. It's all because back in February I posted a photo of Jenna Jameson's hairstyle that I liked. I kid you not, that's what's bringing all the hits to my page. I can tell what people are searching for in order to link to my page. Pictures of Jenna!
It's time for mama to get herself some ads and start benefiting from the perverted freaks of the world.
How do I know this? Aside from my own interactions with them on a daily basis (Hi, my eyes are up here, or catch a glimpse not stare), I just logged onto my stat counter for the first time in months and months. Check this out: I've had almost 5,000 hits on my page in 4-5 months, but I'm finding out not because people are interested in my writing. It's all because back in February I posted a photo of Jenna Jameson's hairstyle that I liked. I kid you not, that's what's bringing all the hits to my page. I can tell what people are searching for in order to link to my page. Pictures of Jenna!
It's time for mama to get herself some ads and start benefiting from the perverted freaks of the world.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
My Vile Mouth
I feel like I have to apologize for the f-bomb I dropped in the last post. I really don't talk like all the time...welllll, only when I'm filled with rage or after I've had two glasses of wine, and I'm well on my way to finishing the bottle (don't make a face, it's only four glasses). Some people may find it offensive that I want my coworkers to engage in such acts. It's just a rant. I don't really expect it to happen.
Let me be clear. I don't really say these things to them. It's all in my head. But damn it feels good to let some swear words flow when my blood is boiling.
For example, today after lunch, management was serving up ice cream floats in the conference room. This was for Employee Appreciation. As thoughtful as the $2 gesture was, I was not the least bit interested in attending. Yeah, I just found out that I'm the only one who has put in almost four years in my position without getting a promotion, like I want to hang out and sip on an ice cream float and pretend like life at work is all hunky-dory. Um, PASS.
Manager 1: Come on, Kerri, we're serving up floats in conference room 403. Come get one.
Me: Uh-huh, I'll be there in a minute (See? No swear words).
Five minutes later...
Manager 2: Are you coming down for a float? They're going fast!
Me: Yep, as soon as I finish up what I'm working on (Fake smile).
Ten minutes later...
Coworker 1: You have to go down and get a float.
Me: Yeah, I think I'm going to pass on that today (Criminey, it's a stinking float. It's not like they're giving out gold watches or something).
And another ten minutes later...
Coworker 2: Hey, the boss was wondering where you were, and why you didn't come get a float.
Me: Because I just finished lunch a half hour ago, and really I don't need ice cream. Not today. No biggie.
See how this is going? This was one hour after I was fuming, and I didn't swear at anyone and say how stupid and pathetic I thought an ice cream social was for Employee Appreciation. I mean, why bother? And like half the people there need an extra serving of dessert anyway (oh, yeah, I said it, I meant it, I stole your mama's credit). However, these are all internal thoughts. I didn't deliberately hurt any one's feelings. We're good.
And to finish it all off....an hour and a half later....
Manager 2 returns: Hey, how come you didn't come down (asking very concerned)?
Me, with tears in my eyes, in a feeling sorry for myself again moment (busted): I just don't need to eat ice cream and extra sweets. Plus I had something I needed to finish up, and I got distracted with a phone call. I just didn't make it.
No swear words, no sarcasm from me. Besides, I do have to work with these people on a daily basis, if I told them to blow it out their wazoo, that might not go over too well.
So I'll try to keep it clean, but I can't make any promises. Sometimes the f-word just needs to be said.
Let me be clear. I don't really say these things to them. It's all in my head. But damn it feels good to let some swear words flow when my blood is boiling.
For example, today after lunch, management was serving up ice cream floats in the conference room. This was for Employee Appreciation. As thoughtful as the $2 gesture was, I was not the least bit interested in attending. Yeah, I just found out that I'm the only one who has put in almost four years in my position without getting a promotion, like I want to hang out and sip on an ice cream float and pretend like life at work is all hunky-dory. Um, PASS.
Manager 1: Come on, Kerri, we're serving up floats in conference room 403. Come get one.
Me: Uh-huh, I'll be there in a minute (See? No swear words).
Five minutes later...
Manager 2: Are you coming down for a float? They're going fast!
Me: Yep, as soon as I finish up what I'm working on (Fake smile).
Ten minutes later...
Coworker 1: You have to go down and get a float.
Me: Yeah, I think I'm going to pass on that today (Criminey, it's a stinking float. It's not like they're giving out gold watches or something).
And another ten minutes later...
Coworker 2: Hey, the boss was wondering where you were, and why you didn't come get a float.
Me: Because I just finished lunch a half hour ago, and really I don't need ice cream. Not today. No biggie.
See how this is going? This was one hour after I was fuming, and I didn't swear at anyone and say how stupid and pathetic I thought an ice cream social was for Employee Appreciation. I mean, why bother? And like half the people there need an extra serving of dessert anyway (oh, yeah, I said it, I meant it, I stole your mama's credit). However, these are all internal thoughts. I didn't deliberately hurt any one's feelings. We're good.
And to finish it all off....an hour and a half later....
Manager 2 returns: Hey, how come you didn't come down (asking very concerned)?
Me, with tears in my eyes, in a feeling sorry for myself again moment (busted): I just don't need to eat ice cream and extra sweets. Plus I had something I needed to finish up, and I got distracted with a phone call. I just didn't make it.
No swear words, no sarcasm from me. Besides, I do have to work with these people on a daily basis, if I told them to blow it out their wazoo, that might not go over too well.
So I'll try to keep it clean, but I can't make any promises. Sometimes the f-word just needs to be said.
The Lunch Lady Made Me Cry
I'll start off by saying she didn't mean to. I was paying for my chicken wrap at the cafeteria, when this sweet, old lady that works the register that I have been chatty with when I pass through for the last year and a half asks me when I'm going to have a baby.
Normally I wouldn't have minded because I know she's just trying to be nice, but three things were on my mind:
1.) The co-workers that were standing in line behind me that were clearly listening in. I don't like one of them. I don't want her knowing my business.
2.) That I was wearing the exact same pants I was the last time I got asked if I was pregnant.
3.) The conversation I just had with a co-worker before lunch about how me and another girl who just got hired are the ONLY people on the professional (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) track not at the "senior" level. I've been here four years this coming December.
After I tried as politely and awkwardly as I could to dodge the 'ol baby question with a vague "ohhh, we're thinking about it" response, the lunch lady responded with "That will be nice when you do.", and a sweet smile.
So as I sit down at my desk, on the verge of tears thinking about how much I hate this fricken place, my phone rings. It's the husband. He's having a bad day too. As much as I want to say, "Come get me, I want to go home!", I suck back in the tears, no way am I crying here at work. In front of them. Every person that walks by and looks at me typing away on my computer I want to give 'em the stink eye and tell them to "Go f-ck yourself. You and your SENIOR level pay. You don't do shit around here, and I know it." And they all know I'm one of two people who isn't at their level. I wonder if they take pity or laugh behind my back? Maybe both. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm spitting fire I'm so pissed. I almost wished that I hadn't found out that I'm ONE OF TWO PEOPLE that won't get promoted. Thanks, boss, but really, you can sell the "I wish there was something I could do to get you promoted" bullshit to someone who will buy it. Every other manager around here looks out for their people. At least I finally know what I'm dealing with though. Don't even think about dumping more garbage work on me. Take it to your SENIOR staff. They should be able to handle a busier workload, being that they are SENIOR and all.
Normally I wouldn't have minded because I know she's just trying to be nice, but three things were on my mind:
1.) The co-workers that were standing in line behind me that were clearly listening in. I don't like one of them. I don't want her knowing my business.
2.) That I was wearing the exact same pants I was the last time I got asked if I was pregnant.
3.) The conversation I just had with a co-worker before lunch about how me and another girl who just got hired are the ONLY people on the professional (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) track not at the "senior" level. I've been here four years this coming December.
After I tried as politely and awkwardly as I could to dodge the 'ol baby question with a vague "ohhh, we're thinking about it" response, the lunch lady responded with "That will be nice when you do.", and a sweet smile.
So as I sit down at my desk, on the verge of tears thinking about how much I hate this fricken place, my phone rings. It's the husband. He's having a bad day too. As much as I want to say, "Come get me, I want to go home!", I suck back in the tears, no way am I crying here at work. In front of them. Every person that walks by and looks at me typing away on my computer I want to give 'em the stink eye and tell them to "Go f-ck yourself. You and your SENIOR level pay. You don't do shit around here, and I know it." And they all know I'm one of two people who isn't at their level. I wonder if they take pity or laugh behind my back? Maybe both. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm spitting fire I'm so pissed. I almost wished that I hadn't found out that I'm ONE OF TWO PEOPLE that won't get promoted. Thanks, boss, but really, you can sell the "I wish there was something I could do to get you promoted" bullshit to someone who will buy it. Every other manager around here looks out for their people. At least I finally know what I'm dealing with though. Don't even think about dumping more garbage work on me. Take it to your SENIOR staff. They should be able to handle a busier workload, being that they are SENIOR and all.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Why I Hate Survivor
I'm not even sure how many people watch this show anymore, but apparently there is still a following. I have a really hard time getting into Reality TV to begin with. I can't stand the backstabbing, conniving, manipulating and just the general bellyaching and bickering that most cast members are in a constant state of. The Husband likes Survivor, so when he has it on, I'll sit and watch for a bit.
It was a couple of seasons ago now, when Survivor was filmed in the Cook Islands; that's when I first saw Ozzy. This guy dominated. I was completely shocked that he didn't win that season, and to be honest, a little pissed. What little faith I had in the stupid show was lost.
So this season, Survivor brings back some of the show's Favorites versus the Fans. Cool concept, and they got me sorta back. I decided to give it another try, and really got back into it a few weeks ago, because the show had Ozzy in it. He is such a good competitor, and kind of a cutie, so I was rooting for him all along.
Last week he was voted off the show. So bummed! And I have a feeling that the girls that are remaining are going to team up against James now too, so I'm done watching this year. They are all a bunch of useless twits. There, I said it. I never really liked that show much to begin with, and voting out my favorite survivor was the last straw.
It was a couple of seasons ago now, when Survivor was filmed in the Cook Islands; that's when I first saw Ozzy. This guy dominated. I was completely shocked that he didn't win that season, and to be honest, a little pissed. What little faith I had in the stupid show was lost.
So this season, Survivor brings back some of the show's Favorites versus the Fans. Cool concept, and they got me sorta back. I decided to give it another try, and really got back into it a few weeks ago, because the show had Ozzy in it. He is such a good competitor, and kind of a cutie, so I was rooting for him all along.
Last week he was voted off the show. So bummed! And I have a feeling that the girls that are remaining are going to team up against James now too, so I'm done watching this year. They are all a bunch of useless twits. There, I said it. I never really liked that show much to begin with, and voting out my favorite survivor was the last straw.
I also think that I like Ozzy so much not only because he's a good Survivor player, but because he reminds me of Brett from The Flight of the Conchords, which has to be one of the best shows HBO has put out in a while.
I absolutely love this show, and can't wait for it to come back! This show, entourage and Real Time With Bill Mahr are the only reason HBO is worth keeping. Check the show out sometime if you can. You won't regreat it. I promise.
A picture of Ozzzy....
A picture of Brett and Jermaine from FOTC....slight resemblance? Perhaps...
"Ladies of the World"....these guys are brilliant! Love 'em, love 'em, love' em.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Out of Touch
So as my faithful readers know, I went out to the bar last Saturday for my friend's birthday party. We had a blast.
I have to admit, I don't go out like I used to, and clearly I'm out of touch with the kids these days and their outfits. I thought the tank top I wore with a shrug over top and jeans were standard protocol. Boy was I wrong.
On Sunday when I got home I was trying to describe to the Husband this outfit I saw some girl wearing. I was completely shocked by it. All I could think to describe it was that this girl was in her white underwear with a bra on. I couldn't get my camera out of my purse in time to capture the shot, however, Leanne, got one. Since the girl's face isn't really showing, I think I'm safe to post it in my blog. Check this out. I wouldn't have the guts to even attempt this.
I have to admit, I don't go out like I used to, and clearly I'm out of touch with the kids these days and their outfits. I thought the tank top I wore with a shrug over top and jeans were standard protocol. Boy was I wrong.
On Sunday when I got home I was trying to describe to the Husband this outfit I saw some girl wearing. I was completely shocked by it. All I could think to describe it was that this girl was in her white underwear with a bra on. I couldn't get my camera out of my purse in time to capture the shot, however, Leanne, got one. Since the girl's face isn't really showing, I think I'm safe to post it in my blog. Check this out. I wouldn't have the guts to even attempt this.
So I'm checking my e-mail from home, and after I open the picture up, I call the Husband in to check it out. I say, "You gotta see this! This is what I was telling you about! Nuts, isn't it?" His response, "I don't know about the tube socks with the high heels." I give him a look and say, "That's all that's wrong with this picture?", and we both bust up laughing.
A lot has changed in the last couple of years since I resigned my bar star badge. We'll let Wonder Woman's niece take over from here.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
You Asked Me WHAT?
Today at work I ran into an old co-worker. I haven't worked with him since December of 2004. I am glad that I don't see him any more often. After work chit chat for several minutes, the conversation goes a little something like this:
"I see you've filled out, when are you due?"
You're kidding me, right? You'd think I'd be used to this, because this is at least the SECOND time the douchebag has made comments about me filling out, the last time was months ago. A woman never gets used to being told "she's filling out". And WTF do I have to be all ashamed about? I'm happy, my husband is happy, and my doctor has never mentioned a problem with my weight. Go eff yourself. And while you're at it, get some manners.
After the comment was made, since he's already told me this before, ya know, the whole filling out thing, I was prepared with a comeback. I in turn said I was looking for tips on how keep up my appearance and wanted to know what he did to keep up that STELLAR body of his. Stunned silence, then the conversation quickly shifted. I was just trying to get the hell away from him. You insult me, the conversation is over.
I am a 30-year old WOMAN. Keeping the same body I had in high school and college is not going to happen. If I'm OK with my appearance, why isn't the rest of the world? Shame on any man or woman for trying to make me feel bad about myself. Why would anyone even care??? I guess some people get off on putting others down.
However, don't let me fool you, I'm caught up in appearances, my OWN, but for someone to pass judgement on me because I'm not a size 0 anymore....well, I don't even know what to say. I'm left utterly speechless. And disgusted. So there. I vented, and I feel better.
*****
Some cute pictures of some of my favorite friends.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
What If I'm Not Good Enough?
It took a lot for me to put this post together. This shows my 'weak' side. I normally don't willingly put this side out there for the world to see. But it's life. My life. And that's what this blog is about.
On Sunday night, as I sat plucking away at my eyebrows which is a fairly regular ritual for me (I must've been related to Bert from Sesame Street in my former life...if former lives exist), my mind began to wander. I started thinking about the people who have asked me if and when I'm going to have kids (the appropriateness of those questions we'll discuss another time). That's when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and looked myself straight in the eye. I stared for a second at myself. I want to have children, but I'm scared. What if I'm not good enough? I stared at myself a little longer. I got tears in my eyes thinking about the times when my child is going to come home upset from being picked on, and thinking of the right things to say to make it all better. The answers to their questions. What if I crack under pressure? And the list goes on and on. I guess the mere fact that I'm scared to begin with shows that I'm putting a lot of thought into the decision. That's good I guess. I suppose a lot of people go through this stage when planning to transition into the next phase of life. I certainly can't be the only one with self-doubt. I hope...
On Sunday night, as I sat plucking away at my eyebrows which is a fairly regular ritual for me (I must've been related to Bert from Sesame Street in my former life...if former lives exist), my mind began to wander. I started thinking about the people who have asked me if and when I'm going to have kids (the appropriateness of those questions we'll discuss another time). That's when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and looked myself straight in the eye. I stared for a second at myself. I want to have children, but I'm scared. What if I'm not good enough? I stared at myself a little longer. I got tears in my eyes thinking about the times when my child is going to come home upset from being picked on, and thinking of the right things to say to make it all better. The answers to their questions. What if I crack under pressure? And the list goes on and on. I guess the mere fact that I'm scared to begin with shows that I'm putting a lot of thought into the decision. That's good I guess. I suppose a lot of people go through this stage when planning to transition into the next phase of life. I certainly can't be the only one with self-doubt. I hope...
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Behold the Power of Soy
I've been wanting to try Soy Milk for ages now. I finally just grabbed a small carton of it on Monday while I was at the store. I figured it I didn't like it, I could ditch it, and it wasn't that much so it wouldn't be incredibly wasteful.
I picked up some organic Vanilla Soy Milk. I like vanilla, so what the heck. I gave it a go last night. I poured a little shot for myself. I had to test it before dowsing my Special K in potential nasty milk. Oh. My. Goodness. It was sooo yummy. I scarfed down a bowl of cereal in no time. This gives plain cereal a whole new taste.
After the Husband arrives home, we do the normal chit chat and then he asks what I ate for dinner. I told him cereal and soy milk. Then I proceeded to tell him how great I thought it was. He in turn tells me, "I know, Kerri. I used to be a hippie. I actually used to drink rice milk, but soy is better for you.". Hmph. Well, I thought I was onto something here. Then I said "I wished I wouldn't have told you how good it was, because now you'll drink it all.".
Which is true. It seems like whenever I buy things for me, he's always getting into them. We'll start with the Slim Fast shakes in a can. I used to buy them for a quick breakfast because of my long commute and early work hours, I never have time to eat at home. Yep, he got into those. He'd just sit and drink them at home. Just because. When I asked about it, it turned into "why are those just for you? You don't know how to share". Never mind the watching my weight thing and the convenience of it all. Fast forward to my South Beach diet. I could have like 70 calories of sugar a day in Phase One. So I purchased some sugar-free Jell-O and Fudgesicles. Those were the only things saving me during that point in my life. Yep, got into those too. I mean, the guy can eat anything in site, but he has to eat the stuff for my diet. I was limited to meat, cheese and vegetables. I'm a carb addict. I don't think I have to say that I felt like I was dying. And to eat my last fudgesicle was crucifixion for me at the time of occurrence.
Ok, so back to the present. Man, can I call it or what? I race home today, looking forward to that bowl of Special K for dinner, and half of the milk is gone. I had a good laugh over that. Hey, at least there was enough for me to eat dinner. That's all I cared about. And next time, I'll buy more, because contrary to his belief, I do know how to share.
I picked up some organic Vanilla Soy Milk. I like vanilla, so what the heck. I gave it a go last night. I poured a little shot for myself. I had to test it before dowsing my Special K in potential nasty milk. Oh. My. Goodness. It was sooo yummy. I scarfed down a bowl of cereal in no time. This gives plain cereal a whole new taste.
After the Husband arrives home, we do the normal chit chat and then he asks what I ate for dinner. I told him cereal and soy milk. Then I proceeded to tell him how great I thought it was. He in turn tells me, "I know, Kerri. I used to be a hippie. I actually used to drink rice milk, but soy is better for you.". Hmph. Well, I thought I was onto something here. Then I said "I wished I wouldn't have told you how good it was, because now you'll drink it all.".
Which is true. It seems like whenever I buy things for me, he's always getting into them. We'll start with the Slim Fast shakes in a can. I used to buy them for a quick breakfast because of my long commute and early work hours, I never have time to eat at home. Yep, he got into those. He'd just sit and drink them at home. Just because. When I asked about it, it turned into "why are those just for you? You don't know how to share". Never mind the watching my weight thing and the convenience of it all. Fast forward to my South Beach diet. I could have like 70 calories of sugar a day in Phase One. So I purchased some sugar-free Jell-O and Fudgesicles. Those were the only things saving me during that point in my life. Yep, got into those too. I mean, the guy can eat anything in site, but he has to eat the stuff for my diet. I was limited to meat, cheese and vegetables. I'm a carb addict. I don't think I have to say that I felt like I was dying. And to eat my last fudgesicle was crucifixion for me at the time of occurrence.
Ok, so back to the present. Man, can I call it or what? I race home today, looking forward to that bowl of Special K for dinner, and half of the milk is gone. I had a good laugh over that. Hey, at least there was enough for me to eat dinner. That's all I cared about. And next time, I'll buy more, because contrary to his belief, I do know how to share.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Another Perk To Being Married
Forget about the tax break.
I can play air guitar and soprano sax to the opening credits of Law and Order with my best Blues face on without feeling the least bit embarassed about the Husband seeing me.
I pulled that gem out on our honeymoon. It's been an on-going thing ever since. I think he secretly likes it. I mean, how could he not?
I can play air guitar and soprano sax to the opening credits of Law and Order with my best Blues face on without feeling the least bit embarassed about the Husband seeing me.
I pulled that gem out on our honeymoon. It's been an on-going thing ever since. I think he secretly likes it. I mean, how could he not?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
A Healthy Choice
How much Healthy Choice Ice Cream can I eat before it's no longer a "healthy choice"?
When I catch the cats giving me the 'ol stink eye wondering if I'm going to eat them next as I scour through the cupboards and fridge looking to over-indulge, I know it's time to do something. I always give them the same response when I get that look. Picture the Saturday Night Live skit with David Spade, Chris Farley and Adam Sandler as the Gap Girls in the mall sharing some fries...
Cindy, I thought you were, um, trying to lose weight?
LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING!
I need to start the Push Diet asap. What's the Push Diet you ask? It's where you push your butt away from the table when you've eaten enough. Say goodbye to stuffing myself into a food coma.
When I catch the cats giving me the 'ol stink eye wondering if I'm going to eat them next as I scour through the cupboards and fridge looking to over-indulge, I know it's time to do something. I always give them the same response when I get that look. Picture the Saturday Night Live skit with David Spade, Chris Farley and Adam Sandler as the Gap Girls in the mall sharing some fries...
Cindy, I thought you were, um, trying to lose weight?
LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING!
I need to start the Push Diet asap. What's the Push Diet you ask? It's where you push your butt away from the table when you've eaten enough. Say goodbye to stuffing myself into a food coma.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Next Stop On the Crazytown Express
Yet another meltdown for Britney.
Here's a quote I found on one of my discussion boards:
I feel sorry for her. I REFUSE to even read or hear what's going on. She has people following her every move and we're there to buy the magazines and get drawn into it. She has problems and yes it's unfortunate that there are children involved but how would you like it if you were going thru some major PPD or other major mental health fiasco and people were constantly making fun of you and putting you down. I don't think you'd succeed very quickly at recovering. She has had anything but a normal childhood (life) and I really think that is playing a part in her mental health. She has no idea of what 'normal' is. Do I think she should have custoday - no. Do I think she needs help - absoultely. But people need to back off. If it were your friend would you laugh at her or try to help? We need to remember that she's someones daughter and mother and not just some icon that is plastered all over the TV and radio. She is a person like the rest of us.
Let me just say that if that was my mom or my daughter out there showing the world her who-ha, I'd be having a conversation with her about what was NORMAL. Stat.
The world probably wouldn't be laughing so hard at the pop princess had she decided to take a month or two off and sit her (obviously waxed) butt at home to fly under the radar for a while. It doesn't sound to me like she's trying very hard to help herself. When has she ever missed a photo opp to show off her latest trainwreck? If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was proud of her sordid life with how much she's out advertising it.
Is anyone else as sick of hearing about Britney, Paris and Lindsey as I am? How about we hear about some women with class for a change of pace?
Here's a quote I found on one of my discussion boards:
I feel sorry for her. I REFUSE to even read or hear what's going on. She has people following her every move and we're there to buy the magazines and get drawn into it. She has problems and yes it's unfortunate that there are children involved but how would you like it if you were going thru some major PPD or other major mental health fiasco and people were constantly making fun of you and putting you down. I don't think you'd succeed very quickly at recovering. She has had anything but a normal childhood (life) and I really think that is playing a part in her mental health. She has no idea of what 'normal' is. Do I think she should have custoday - no. Do I think she needs help - absoultely. But people need to back off. If it were your friend would you laugh at her or try to help? We need to remember that she's someones daughter and mother and not just some icon that is plastered all over the TV and radio. She is a person like the rest of us.
Let me just say that if that was my mom or my daughter out there showing the world her who-ha, I'd be having a conversation with her about what was NORMAL. Stat.
The world probably wouldn't be laughing so hard at the pop princess had she decided to take a month or two off and sit her (obviously waxed) butt at home to fly under the radar for a while. It doesn't sound to me like she's trying very hard to help herself. When has she ever missed a photo opp to show off her latest trainwreck? If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was proud of her sordid life with how much she's out advertising it.
Is anyone else as sick of hearing about Britney, Paris and Lindsey as I am? How about we hear about some women with class for a change of pace?
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