My Vile Mouth

I feel like I have to apologize for the f-bomb I dropped in the last post. I really don't talk like all the time...welllll, only when I'm filled with rage or after I've had two glasses of wine, and I'm well on my way to finishing the bottle (don't make a face, it's only four glasses). Some people may find it offensive that I want my coworkers to engage in such acts. It's just a rant. I don't really expect it to happen.

Let me be clear. I don't really say these things to them. It's all in my head. But damn it feels good to let some swear words flow when my blood is boiling.

For example, today after lunch, management was serving up ice cream floats in the conference room. This was for Employee Appreciation. As thoughtful as the $2 gesture was, I was not the least bit interested in attending. Yeah, I just found out that I'm the only one who has put in almost four years in my position without getting a promotion, like I want to hang out and sip on an ice cream float and pretend like life at work is all hunky-dory. Um, PASS.

Manager 1: Come on, Kerri, we're serving up floats in conference room 403. Come get one.
Me: Uh-huh, I'll be there in a minute (See? No swear words).

Five minutes later...
Manager 2: Are you coming down for a float? They're going fast!
Me: Yep, as soon as I finish up what I'm working on (Fake smile).

Ten minutes later...
Coworker 1: You have to go down and get a float.
Me: Yeah, I think I'm going to pass on that today (Criminey, it's a stinking float. It's not like they're giving out gold watches or something).

And another ten minutes later...
Coworker 2: Hey, the boss was wondering where you were, and why you didn't come get a float.
Me: Because I just finished lunch a half hour ago, and really I don't need ice cream. Not today. No biggie.

See how this is going? This was one hour after I was fuming, and I didn't swear at anyone and say how stupid and pathetic I thought an ice cream social was for Employee Appreciation. I mean, why bother? And like half the people there need an extra serving of dessert anyway (oh, yeah, I said it, I meant it, I stole your mama's credit). However, these are all internal thoughts. I didn't deliberately hurt any one's feelings. We're good.

And to finish it all off....an hour and a half later....
Manager 2 returns: Hey, how come you didn't come down (asking very concerned)?
Me, with tears in my eyes, in a feeling sorry for myself again moment (busted): I just don't need to eat ice cream and extra sweets. Plus I had something I needed to finish up, and I got distracted with a phone call. I just didn't make it.

No swear words, no sarcasm from me. Besides, I do have to work with these people on a daily basis, if I told them to blow it out their wazoo, that might not go over too well.

So I'll try to keep it clean, but I can't make any promises. Sometimes the f-word just needs to be said.